LEF Jokes & Gags thread

[Laura]

I felt claustrophobic just watching that! Shocking!!

Still at least the guards were nicely dressed & well presented, not like most of the staff you'll see here,

[sky_cz]

what a chump makes ferrari from own lotus???

Edited May 2, 2008 by SKY

[t70]

I can't believe I find this funny, unbelievably dumb youtube clip:

Well... it's pretty self descriptive really... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JxazZRfbups

[rogerch]

That is hard to beleive.

[GordonMasson]

No idea if this is genuine but it made me laugh !!

If it was its been removed from ebay!!,...... may not be suitable (sorry) but if so delete as required

Edited May 14, 2008 by GordonMasson

[t70]

For some good old Eastern Canadian humour... click on "The Vette" and or "The Yammie"

http://www.tmorris.org/download.html

[mayevora]

A WOMAN'S POEM:

Before I lay me down to sleep,

I pray for a man, who's not a creep,

One who's handsome, smart and strong.

One who loves to listen long,

One who thinks before he speaks,

One who'll call, not wait for weeks.

I pray he's gainfully employed,

When I spend his cash, won't be annoyed.

Pulls out my chair and opens my door.

Massages my back and begs to do more.

Oh! Send me a man who'll make love to my mind,

Knows what to answer to 'how big is my behind?'

I pray that this man will love me to no end,

And always be my very best friend.

A MAN'S POEM:

I pray for a deaf-mute gymnast nymphomaniac with

huge boobs who owns a bar on a golf course,

and loves to send me fishing and drinking. This

doesn't rhyme and I don't give a shit.

The End

[peter_england99]

I know it's an old one, but still amusing. I hope you enjoy it.

Regards,

Peter.

[arbell9]

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts. Things people actually said in court, word for word, what is now published by court reporters who had the torment of trying to keeping from laughing and staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

_______________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?

WITNESS: No, I just lie there.

____________________________________________________________________

ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?

WITNESS: My Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

________________________________________________

ATTORNEY: This

[oneshot]

err

The Law

Posted here 12/9/07

Beat you to it

[arbell9]

Sorry Dave, its on its come back tour, being posted across forums as we speak. Soon we will be seeing the tribute gag. LOL

[CharlieC]

Robert Deniro prank calls?

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=dAAc0-30MEM

(bit sweary!)

[semi42]

Made me giggle

http://www.1-click.jp/e/index.html

[catty s2]

Why are women like a Tornado?

Because when they come they make a hell of a racket.

When they leave they take your house!

[GordonMasson]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=489-OatZkDo

A blonde gets a job as a teacher.

She notices a boy in the field standing alone, while all the other kids are running around having fun.

She takes pity on him and decides to speak to him.

'You ok?' she says.

'Yes' he says.

'You can go and play with the other kids you know' she says.

'It's best I stay here' he says.

''Why?' says the blonde.

The boys says:

'Because I am the f#cking goalie'

[greyhound20]

This ones for Bigsi who recently traveled to our side of the pond to spend some time at Disneyworld.

The marriage between Mickey Mouse and Minnie had come to an end and they were in court getting their divorce. The judge was looking over the divorce papers and says to Mickey,

"I see here in your petition for a divorce that you think Minnie is crazy".

"No your Honor" Mickey replies. "I didn't say she was crazy, I said she was f***ing Goofy!!!!"

[arbell9]

prototype Sat Nav discovered on motorbike.

[GordonMasson]

[GordonMasson]

[hopo]

- Knock knock?

- Who's there?

- Bigish

- Bigish who?

.............................. Push of you tramp

Edited June 22, 2008 by USAndretti42
Language. It's a family forum

[Spiggsy]

Best joke of all ... KaleCoAuto !!

http://kalecoauto.com/index.php?main_page=index

[mayevora]

Thought I'd sweet talked my way out of a speeding fine -

Until the Copper spotted my dog on the back seat!

Edited June 27, 2008 by mayesprit

[t70]

And... I'll have ya'll know.. that's a volkswagen back seat.

[esprithk]

Funny moment!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J45vWnbjxpM

and this is the best one

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qxuPquncx5s

[esprithk]

Well, she is still the 3rd runner-up!!