Divorce laws

[Barrykearley]

And they let her go about 8 hours later….. it’s a joke - but £uck it we are out the country for a while

[C8RKH]

I hope charges will be pressed re the assault. Mother or not, she should not be allowed to get away with it. A father/bloke wouldn't for sure!

[Barrykearley]

I’ve no idea @C8RKH - it’s not my decision. It’s a real shit show and I have completely had enough of it all now.

[Kimbers]

On 23/07/2023 at 21:19, Barrykearley said:

Today it’s kicked off. She has now been arrested and detained under section 135 or 136 after assaulting my eldest at the farm…….

we are flying out the country in the early hours thank god for a family break

Hope everything is ok with your oldest?

It would be Section 136 outside. 135 Inside but it's rare to use 135 so prob use 136.

May just charge with D&D or Assault but make sure they push for it to be charged!

[Barrykearley]

I doubt she will be charged with anything. Time and time again the pissed up ole lush causes issues and time and time again bugger all happens.

[Barrykearley]

So this week I have seen an adult safeguarding report that has been lodged with my eldests doctors.

In that it Cites mum as the victim and daughter as the offender. Also highlights mum as intoxicated and arrested. I am disgusted and disappointed that the police have done this @Kimbers any idea why such a thing would have been done ?

[Kimbers]

On 26/08/2023 at 10:03, Barrykearley said:

So this week I have seen an adult safeguarding report that has been lodged with my eldests doctors.

In that it Cites mum as the victim and daughter as the offender. Also highlights mum as intoxicated and arrested. I am disgusted and disappointed that the police have done this @Kimbers any idea why such a thing would have been done ?

Not got the foggiest mate. Is it from the Police? If it shows as her being intoxicated and arrested I'm really not sure why it cites your daughter as the offender.

If Police go to a "Domestic" there are often claims and counter claims made. As such both must be treated as victim and offender. This is not the Police's doing, it's home office regulations. Police can often go to a situation like this and they know (in their heads) who is the offender and who is the victim, but Police are not allowed to go with their opinion, it's not the movies sadly. 

As such an adult "at risk" report will have to have been put in. This is open to other services who may be involved. 

 

 

[C8RKH]

1 minute ago, Kimbers said:

This is open to other services who may be involved. 

I was going to suggest @Kimbers that it was unlikely that the police had made that report, and more likely to be some form of "social" official who probably was clueless to the background etc. Also, @Barrykearley why would this be sent to your daughters GP? What does it have to do with them? I'm confused.com

[Kimbers]

1 minute ago, C8RKH said:

I was going to suggest @Kimbers that it was unlikely that the police had made that report, and more likely to be some form of "social" official who probably was clueless to the background etc. Also, @Barrykearley why would this be sent to your daughters GP? What does it have to do with them? I'm confused.com

Yes mate, but once the "Adult at risk" report goes in various services can quote it so it looks like the Police. Ideally @Barrykearley needs to find out who has used that report and sent it to the Doctor. If it is the Police then Barry needs to contact them (actually it would be better coming from his daughter). 

[Barrykearley]

The mum is one seriously deranged individual.

I had my daughter on the phone in tears Saturday about her stuff and not wanting to go back there. I sent this to mum and her solicitors after advice from the police. 

A response was sent to my daughter and frankly the abuse towards her is vile. Full of guilt, DARVO, victim blaming etc.  I am utterly repulsed.

[Kimbers]

That "If I did you wouldn't be able to be a doctor" sounds like a threat.

[C8RKH]

I thought that too @Kimbers. I thought it was an awful message in tone.

[Kimbers]

Just now, C8RKH said:

I thought that too @Kimbers. I thought it was an awful message in tone.

100%

[C8RKH]

Very manipulative too.I thought that too.

@Barrykearley I would advise your duaghter to keep well away and not respond to ANY messages or contact, if she values her future career. Tough. Hard. But feels necessary.

[Barrykearley]

Thanks @C8RKH @Kimbers. Sadly this is the sort of thing that’s just normal from her. The eldest is done I believe - she is very clear about what her mum is and isn’t. She has spent some time researching her mums issues in a medical setting and is more adamant than even me that her mum will never change. It’s an utter shitshow mess.

The solicitors emailed me yesterday to inform me not to contact their client and to only go via them. They has a sharp rebuttal addressing the matter. 

[Barrykearley]

Back and forth with this utter cockwomble of a solicitor this week. 

They have now agreed at 4pm my vehicle and Daisy’s vehicle can be removed from the farm by a third party. Mum had blocked Daisy and was refusing to allow her to have her third party collect possessions. We’ve now managed to get agreement from another mutual friend to collect.

this morning Danny has driven past the farm and the gate is chained shut. 
 

4pm can’t come soon enough - I’m sure she will have opened a bottle or two by then as well 🤪

 

[Barrykearley]

So I now have two vehicles on the drive.

17 emails back and forth for such a simple thing. Daisy ended up having to use a different third party since her mum disagreed in the morning with who was proposed. Wendy was absolutely pissed at 3pm when that person attended.

the whole episode was a cluster - but it’s sorted now

[Barrykearley]

Volvo now sold and the figaro running and at the Mot place.

I’ve now full videos of my outbuildings at the farm and it’s apparent that my late fathers snap on roller cab that was full of snap on tools is no longer in my garage. Along with multiple other things. Police have been informed and it’s off back to court shortly. I’ll almost certainly have to taken separate legal action for the value via the small claims court.

 

 

[C8RKH]

Sorry to hear this is still dragging on Barry. Hopefully it will all be over soon 

[Barrykearley]

Still ongoing - still a nightmare.

Today was laughable though. The estate agents have highlighted to the solicitors that they would like to reduce the main house by some £200k - due to the grass not being cut. The reality is they don’t wish to highlight the feedback that says the house stinks and it’s been smashed to shit. Which I have obviously highlighted.

we are in court on 27/10. I’ve suggested that she move out and I can do all the remedials at her cost but I’ll fund it in the interim. The solicitors replied and confirmed it would be a good idea for me to get the grass and hedges cut since their client can’t……. This is where it gets laughable since maintaining the property is a condition placed on her via the court order - so essentially they have confirmed their own client is in breach. You simply could not make it up.

doesn’t look like the farm is insured either - the breaches are racking up and the one that annoys me most is failing to pay my eldest the correct amount of money on 1st of September.

[Kimbers]

You know what they say mate. The law is an ass, especially Civil Law and it's lawyers.

I am so sorry you are still suffering with all this. Worse still she is costing you and her money, only she's so far gone into the bottle I don't think she cares.

[Barrykearley]

Frankly @Kimbers it is what it is. I dispensed with lawyers after the financial order was put in place. I’ve been pushing this myself now so it’s likely costing her a fortune with her lawyers while my end is under control.

life’s a bitch if you marry one 🤣 - but there’s a book in this somewhere.

tonight I’m off out to a black tie ball - so tbh - I care not. Along with the fact Danny and me have smashed some serious turnover through the business this week 😎

[Barrykearley]

Court yesterday - would seem the judge had the same thoughts as me on so many matters. 
 

I got a bollocking for issuing proceedings for her failing to abide by a court order - which seems daft to me - but it is what it is.

the rest of the issues I have - they have been resolved and clear recitals added to the order. Life is getting easier.

[USAndretti42]

Bloody hell, Barry.  I have only recently stumbled upon this thread as I'm not such an active member as I once was but, my goodness, you and your kids have been through the mill.  I hadn't realised before that your marriage was in such trouble or that your ex-wife was an alcoholic.  I don't know how you've managed to get through this without blowing your top at least half a dozen times but credit to you for taking the high road and keeping calm as it makes your position so much stronger.  Well done.

I'm glad to see that things are getting easier and, hopefully, the end will soon be in sight but I'm afraid that, like World War One, it won't be over by Christmas but the New Year should see it done.

Looks like you've got great kids and having found a new partner must have been a big help so good luck and keep going.

One thing I need to know. Do you have a punch bag in the garage for those times when you just need to vent?  Otherwise, how have you managed it without exploding?

[Barrykearley]

The cars in later years of my marriage was a huge huge distraction @USAndretti42. In fact they still are and Danny bought his first lotus at 19 the weekend. Me and my son are now working together sparking and have 4 chicken sheds to fit new lighting into presently. Life is absolutely epic. 
 

the new partner interestingly came out of nowhere - and she is incredible - probably met her a year or two earlier than I thought id even consider dating 🤣.  After 21 years of hell myself - she had 17 years - together we know exactly what we don’t want.

The kids are all thriving - I am so proud of each one of them - they really have been through a lot. My youngest got the worst of it - years of her mum telling her how she wanted to stab me through the heart with a knife really had a bad impact - something I’ve only just found out.

funny you mention the punchbag 😂 - there’s one in the house - and a pair of lotus elan seats on the side 😎