Divorce laws

[C8RKH]

Keep reporting. Keep pushing. Eventually the system will kick in. It's all you can do. Stay strong...

[Kimbers]

If you aren't already, Use those words in every contact from now on and make sure they are 100% aware you are "in fear of violence and serious harm, Alarm and distress. "

[Barrykearley]

Frankly @Kimbers I have no idea where the threshold lies anymore. I asked yesterday if I needed to be led dying with a knife in my chest before the police would do anything. West Mercia police are an absolute shambles - I have had every single officer who I’ve spoken to since December last year telling me that the police are failing my family. Still no change - an utter shower. It’s a disgrace and frankly disgusting. But still the government and pcc hopefuls will spout the violence and abuse against women and girls as a key issue. Forgetting just how they fail victims that include “women and girls” as family members of males who they also fail

[Kimbers]

They are and it is. Positive Discrimination due to your sex IMHO. 

Edited April 18 by Bibs

[C8RKH]

Can you bring a sex discrimination case against them?

[Kimbers]

https://www.policeconduct.gov.uk/complaints/guide-to-complaints-process

I think you have a case to state if this was against a female then it would have been dealt with differently. hence discrimination. However I also think you have a discussion around the fact that nothing has been done, she is still harrassing you and affecting your kids and its causing you to fear for your life, Alarm harrassment and distress

[Bibs]

Just now, Kimbers said:

its causing you to fear for your life, Alarm harrassment and distress

This. Mention it, a lot. 

[Barrykearley]

A complaint was raised months ago. I have laid it into them regarding the issues but have to await the outcome of the complaint before pushing it again. My local MP has been pretty decent tbf. 
 

Presently I have pushed back to the OIC for the stalking case - as there are clear issues still ongoing. She’s on bail for that along with a separate set of bail for the theft investigation oh and criminal damage. 
 

Apparently a huge amount of stuff has been submitted to the cps - but I have no idea what that comprises off.

[Kimbers]

The criminal Damage looks pretty open and shut to me, we all saw the pics of damage to your car. Surely that has been charged?

[C8RKH]

4 hours ago, Kimbers said:

The criminal Damage looks pretty open and shut to me, we all saw the pics of damage to your car. Surely that has been charged?

I think the problem was after the damage the door wouldn't open or shut! 😂🤣

[Barrykearley]

9 hours ago, Kimbers said:

The criminal Damage looks pretty open and shut to me, we all saw the pics of damage to your car. Surely that has been charged?

Depends on CPS - I even have video evidence of it. 

Today I get home to a letter from the PC dealing with the stalking from 02/03/24. Letter dated 09/04/24. No evidence to support she is stalking me online or otherwise. This clearly is before the issues of 15/04/24. 
 

Apparently I have the “victims right to review” - which I will do this evening along with a formal complaint in regards to this matter. The system is a joke and west Mercia police are an absolute disgrace.

5 hours ago, C8RKH said:

I think the problem was after the damage the door wouldn't open or shut! 😂🤣

😂😂😂 - it’s just the window that’s the issue opening and shutting.

[Barrykearley]

Well I mowed the lawn this morning and was being watched doing so. The internet went off again shortly after, engineer attends site and turns it back on. A couple of hours later she’s done the same and another engineer attends. 
 

police were called after the first cut off. We have a gaz warning on our home officers are due out at some point.

tonight - it’s off again. This is beyond a joke frankly

 

[C8RKH]

So sad that anyone would choose to behave in this manner.

[Barrykearley]

Right I’ve got up this morning and at some point police will be here. In the meantime I have done and email complaint that has gone to the police, victims right to review, IOPC, PCC, MP and the editor and news desk at the local paper - however I hold out little to no hope of meaningful change:- 

 

To whom it may concern.

 

Please accept this email as a formal complaint along with a formal request for a victims right to review as outlined in the letter from PC Cory dated 09/04/24 for incident 22/18482/24.

 

My family and myself are victims of domestic abuse at the hands of a violent and abusive controlling alcoholic.  I was supported in leaving the family home with my two children by West Mercias women’s aid - had I not my two children whom lived at home would have been taken into local authority care. 

 

My marriage to my partner was highly controlling and abusive. I did not leave as she told me she would financially ruin me and never allow me to see my children.

I have three children Daisy (21), Daniel (19) and Alice (17)

 

A summary timeline of events is as follows:-

 

• 28/01/22 - Wendy drunk at 2030 - abuse continues until 0117. Threats to kill Alice come to light
• 30/01/22 - Wendy drunk at 2015 - abuse starts and police called. Wendy removed from house by police and ambulance staff in the early hours
• 10/02/22 - Social Services attend home address at 1700 - Wendy drunk and abusive towards them.
• 12/02/22 - Wendy drunk at 2013 - abuse starts and police called
• 20/02/22 - Fled Crookshill farm with Daniel and Alice after social services indicate that they would be removed into care the following week. Social services had advised Wendy that Alice does not want any contact with her at this time.
• 26/04/22 - my online xero accounting is controlled by Wendy and she refuses access. Case lodged with xero and I have printouts that show Wendy accessing and changing passwords.  This led to me being late in submissions of my vat files.
• 07/05/22 - Daniel attends Crookshill farm to visit mum and sits with her iPad and phone to reset the passwords which she had changed. It could be seen from the evidence from Xero that she had accessed the account only hours before this visit.
• 09/05/22 - HCR confirms Wendy will be responsible from household bills at Crookshill.
• 30/05/22 - this was the last time Daniel visited his mum - he was removed from Crookshill farm by his girlfriend Ella Watkins due to the psychological abuse she was heaping onto him.
• 05/06/22 - I visited Crookshill to collect some light bulbs from my detached workshop which is some 30m from the farmhouse. Wendy was abusive and threatening towards me.
• 07/06/22 - Wendy emails Alice
• 12/06/22 - Wendy emails Alice
• 14/06/22 - Wendy emails Alice
• 24/06/22 - Wendy crashes family car into tree whilst nearly twice the drink drive limit.
• 01/07/22 - 637-I-01072022 refers to calls by Antony Wiseman, Wendy’s father, to Daniel. First case of harassment lodged.
• 17/07/22 - Daniel attends Crookshill and removes some of his possessions. Wendy makes false allegations of breaking nd entering.
• 01/08/22 - non mol heard WR22F70323 and cross undertakings agreed to. Within this there was stalking of my family highlighted and conditioned - there were also references to my possessions.
• 08/08/22 - Wendy emails Alice
• 08/08/22 - Wendy  are drunk phone calls to Daniel 190-I-09082022 refers
• 09/08/22 - Wendy emails Alice
• 15/08/22 - Wendy shares her E calendar with me in contradiction to court order. 322-I-15082022 refers.
• 17/08/22 - Wendy causes multiple apple emails to myself in contradiction to court order.
• 19/08/22 - I receive water bill in my name for Crookshill farm despite assurances this was dealt with by HCR
• 22/08/22 - Wendy emails Alice
• 24/08/22 - small claims court issued for Alice bedroom possessions that Wendy had been withholding since leaving.
• 28/08/22 - Alice’s possessions returned by Daisy.
• 31/08/22 - Wendy stalking me on Facebook and liking my posts. HCR solicitors told to devise their client to desist.
• 19/09/22 - Wendy emails Alice
• 20/09/22 - Wendy emails Alice
• 21/09/22 - HCR solicitors formally notified that’s Alice and Daniel do not wish any further contact with Wendy at this time.
• 23/09/22 - Wendy causes multiple apple emails to myself in contradiction to court order.
• 23/09/22 - 518-I-23092022 - refers to unwelcome communications. Crimes 22/95363/22 and 22/95372/22 refer.
• 28/09/22 - police report BCA-69231-22-2222-ir01 for unwelcome communications
• 01/10/22 - school advise Wendy attending parents evening. This caused 3 solid days of deep distress for Alice
• 03/10/22 - Wendy attends parents evening - Alice did not feel safe to attend 
• 10/10/22 - breach of conditions of undertakings heard and a recital added.
• 07/11/22 - police at Crookshill Farm. They phone me, I thought it was a welfare issue but I now think this was to arrest to take her to court for the drink driving. 
• 18/11/22 - Wendy in field close to barn - Alice upset due to this.
• 22/11/22 - Hereford times article published “Herefordshire crash driver is banned from the roads” outlines the 15month drink drive ban that Wendy has been given.
• 25/11/22 - Wendy sends messages and friends requests to 2 of my ex girlfriends, mum, dad and two other friends of mine. None of these people have any connection to Wendy.
• 25/11/22 - Wendy tells my mum I’m an alcoholic and a drug addict. This was all reported to the police.
• 29/11/22 - APHA - animal health letter regarding Tb testing of goats Wendy has bought since my leaving. It seems the goats are in my name on the small holding and I am at risk of a fine.
• 30/12/22 - I stay at and airbnb with my girlfriend.
• Early/01/23  - Wendy provides a copy invoice of airbnb stay above to the courts. She has clearly unlawfully accessed my account to do this.
• 12/01/23 - divorce hearing for financials.
• 15/02/23 - Wendy messages Daisy to inform of overdose - Daisy rings 999
• 23/02/23 - I am made aware of horrific false allegations of child rape and sexual assault at knifepoint that Wendy made about myself to Daisy. Wendy is saying I’m a risk to Alice to her sister. I immediately self refer this to social services.
• 06/03/23 - I receive debt collection letters for water bill at Crookshill farm that Wendy was liable for.
• 09/03/23 - Wendy attempts to close my bank account and removes £12.50 to the benefit of her solicitors in effect emptying the account. This is contrary to the court order.
• 14/03/23 - multiple texts and phonecalls regarding water debt. Wendy had supplied incorrect start and end dates resulting in a false and incorrect debt in my name. I was advised my credit file would be negatively affected if I didn’t pay. I paid the debt in full.
• 20/03/23 - I am unsuccessful in a non mol application due to threshold not being met. It is clear I need to be bleeding for any action to be considered.
• 07/05/23 - I receive a letter demanding I return the children to Wendy from her Friend Elizabeth. I immediately report this as harassment to police and a first instance of harassment is lodged against her
• 28/06/23 - Wendy drunk in field at about 1300. She abused Johno Harris whom was bailing hay.
• 28/06/23 - Wendy due to attend online parents evening - she did not attend.
• 03/07/23 - George Pickard visits Crookshill farm and takes some photos - one of which shows the presence of the roller cab toolbox.
• 23/07/23 - Wendy assaults Daisy, ripping her top and breaking her necklace while grabbing her throat, at Crookshill Farm and is arrested for drunk and disorderly. In a later adult safeguarding report by police provided to Daisys uni where she is studying medicine it outlines incorrectly Wendy as the victim. Daisy had significant distress having to explain this to her course leaders.
• 02/09/23 - Volvo and Nissan car collected from garage by Adrian Harris and Ross Kilby. Video taken of outbuildings showing my late father’s roller cab tool box has gone.
• 04/09/23 - theft of toolbox reported
• 27/10/23 - court hearing for details of divorce. HCR solicitors and Wendy were both refusing to allow my retention of the barn we are residing in. For no other reason than exerting control over my family. Judge in court makes the order to allow me to retain my property my family are now living in.
• 10/11/23 - I provide home insurance certificate as ordered in court order. Wendy fails to provide.
• 10/11/23 - I provide list of items at the farm belonging to the children and myself.
• 24/11/23 - HCR should have replied by this date regarding possessions. They have not disputed the list of items and have not provided any access arrangements. It is clear Wendy is no longer responsive 
• 29/11/23 - letter put in post for recorded mail to Crookshill farm requesting resolution of outstanding matters or it will be referred back to court. I have been very wary and scared of taking anything back to court.
• 01/12/23 - pipe burst at Crookshill Farm is the reason cited for cancelling a weekend of viewings. Estate agents nor myself have ever seen evidence of this.
• 12/12/23 - mobile home delivered to Drovers Barn. Wendy witnessed taking photographs of such by Adrian Harris and Johno Harris.
• 22/12/23 - letter posted on 29/11/23 above has been refused and returned. Daniel and myself hand deliver this to Crookshill Farm and video entire process.
• 22/12/23 - theft of possessions within outbuilding become apparent due to roller door being stuck wonky in the fully upright position. Police informed incident 227-1-22122023 refers
• 27/12/23 - I was contacted by police and threatened of arrest due to a report of stalking due to serving documents to the farm on 22/12/23. I provided video evidence to them. This was very disturbing.
• 28/12/23 - police cancel interview after reviewing the documentation and video evidence I provided along with reviewing the historic matters. I was apologised to and told to formally complain.
• 03/01/24 - two dogs found running loose on my drive. Taken by myself and Daisy to Bromyard vets. I understood these were dogs being looked after by Wendy.
• 04/01/24 - two dogs found loose on my drive again following a near miss with a delivery van. Collected and the owners later contacted me to arrange collection.
• 04/01/24 - phonecalls from Wendy’s Dad Antony Wiseman harassing me. My friend Martin Brooke had multiple calls that dy from Wendy demanding to know my location.
• 23/01/24 - letter from Herefordshire council regarding unlawful siting of mobile home.
• Various/02/24 - I am working in a unit in Linley Green at various times with Daniel. Wendy is observed on multiple occasions driving past slowly looking in.
• 03/02/24 - I am contacted by pioneer feeds of Ledbury chasing me for a debt of £174.65 from November 2023 for animal feed Wendy has booked out. I have no account with them personally and this was very distressing. Reported to police for fraud.
• 01/03/24 - Wendy starts to follow me on instagram late one evening
• 02/03/24 - I’ve had enough of the stalking behaviours and report to Police 22/18482/24 refers.
• 08/03/24 - Wendy arrested in connection with theft and stalking. She is bailed that evening with conditions to stay away from me.
• 08/03/24 - I am advised by PC Croy at Ledbury police station to attend the outbuildings with a third party and video the visit to establish what possessions of mine are missing. I am uncomfortable about this but told that is the only way forward.
• 09/03/24 - I visit Crookshill farm and within minutes of my attendance Wendy had shouted verbal abuse at me and rammed my van causing thousands of pounds of damage. Wendy was arrested shortly after at another address. 22/20207/24 refers.
• 12/04/24 - I am being watched and photographed by Wendy whilst I m mowing the grass. My internet connection supplied by Airband to the barn is cut off. The main farmhouse is a micro site for the area and supplies some 15 other properties along with my own barn. There is a communications cabinet at Crookshill Farm and Wendy has been turning the power off to this which causes my family to be isolated from the internet with no phone signal within the property.  Police attend on 13/04/24 incident no 00021_i_13042024 refers and restore power together with words of advice to Wendy.
• 15/04/24 - I have been getting ongoing issues with Herefordshire planning department. This is relating to the mobile home delivered to the barn in December 2023. It is clear from their latest communication that the complaint has originated from Wendy. I am accused of renting the barn on Airbnb, using the caravan to live in when this occurs and using the barn for commercial car sales. I reported this to the police as bail conditions are in place not to harass me. Incident 000395_i_15042024 refers.
• 15/04/24 - a lady friend contacts me to ask me my ex wife’s name. We have never discussed my situation before. I tell her the name of my ex partner and she provides me with a screenshot that shows Wendy Wiseman has indeed sent her a friends request. She blocks this request and I add this onto the above report.
• 20/04/24 - I and being watched again by Wendy whilst I am mowing the grass at the barn. The internet communication is cut off again shortly after this in the morning. I call Airband and the police to inform them. A few hours later Airband send out an engineer and confirm Wendy had turned their cabinet off again. Power is restored and the internet lasts another few hours before it is turned off again and another engineer is despatched to restore power. This happened again later that evening. I do not have an incident number for this and am awaiting a police visit today 21/04/24.

 

In the letter dated 09/04/2024 from Pc Croy it states.

• Based upon the evidence that has been presented to me there is no realistic prospect of a successful prosecution as the evidential threshold test has not been met. We are not going to be able to prove beyond reasonable doubt that the suspect Is “following” the IP on his social media account.
• Based upon the evidence that has been presented to me I do not believe this is in the public interest to pursue any further. I appreciate there is a lot of history between the parties with both reporting incidents to police as victims.

In respect of above evidence was provided directly to PC Croy in the form of screenshots that demonstrate the online stalking by Wendy on 16/04/24. I am still being watched and stalked on an almost daily basis and this is being ignored. As yet there has been no response to this email. Regarding the second comment from PC Croy the blatant sexual discrimination against a male victim of domestic abuse is very clear. I have been made aware of one significant report to police by Wendy and one only. If she makes a report to the police they will have to investigate this - this is what led to the threat of arrest of myself on 27/12/2023. There have been dozens of reports to the police my myself and my family since leaving the abusive relationship. But it would seem that equal weighting has been used within the decision at West Mercia Police despite there being probably a 30:1 ratio of complaints and the 1 that I am aware of being a false and malicious allegation. This is the uphill battle that male domestic abuse victims suffer at the hands of West Mercia Police. It took some 6 months for the theft of circa £15k of tools to be properly investigated and Wendy to be arrested and questioned. There have been so many issues reported and it is having a profound impact upon my mental health and well being. I am in real fear of my family’s safety given the previous threats to kill and the ongoing matters. 

 

My family are being completely ignored and let down by West Mercia Police whom only consider each report in isolation. This I believe is a massive failure by the force and flies very clearly in the face of legislation covered within the Domestic Abuse Act 2021. I have absolutely no doubt given my own experience of this force that had this been a male abuser rather than a female one action would have been taken a very long time ago. This can be demonstrated clearly in the police’s threat to arrest me without any evidence whatsoever on. 27/12/23 and they have indeed acted as a third party abuser with the clear intents to cause distress over the holiday period.

 

I have spoken with John Campion at the PCC whom is unwilling to have a meaningful face to face meeting regarding this. It would seem that the discrimination of male victims is not something that West Mercia wish to consider. In fact should you care to look at West Mercia police’s online campaign over Christmas regarding Domestic abuse it was 100% targeted at Women and Girls as victims and males as aggressor’s. The discrimination is clear and present in every single aspect of the police force regarding male victims of abuse. Whilst I am a male victim I also have two daughters whom have been abused by their own mum whom West Mercia are failing to protect. I was a member of a male support group set up by West Mercias Women’s aid and my experience is not unique. West Mercia police simply do not believe that men can be victims of domestic abuse.

 

The only time it seems that meaningful intervention will be considered by West Mercia police Is when a member of my family or myself come to serious physical harm at the hands of an alcoholic female abuser. I just pray that my family will not be on the “lessons learned” list.

 

My contact email is above and my phone number is. Xxxxx.

 

Kind regards

 

Barry Kearley 

[tim_marra]

Is TLF secure for posting this stuff? I'm sure it is very cathartic for you Barry to find comfort in sharing here, and you have my full support.

Words fail me to be able to comment further TBH, what an awful situation for you and your kids. Keep strong fella, and take care as best you can (and have clearly been doing so).

[Bibs]

1 minute ago, tim_marra said:

Is TLF secure for posting this stuff?

Not at all, it's completely public but since it's been sent to the editor of the paper, there's nothing there which Barry feels can't be published. 

[Barrykearley]

I spent 20 plus years hiding stuff. I will hide nothing any longer. 
 

Male victims need to speak out. It is what it is

[tim_marra]

Good man, I don't blame you as enough is enough.

[C8RKH]

@Barrykearley have a look at this video - harassment and stalking apparently only needs 2 "events" to occur. Might be of interest and value to you.

Check out around 13:15

 

[Kimbers]

Frankly Barry, when you lay it out like that I have to query why she hasn't, at the very least, got a criminal record for theft, assault, Criminal Damage and Stalking and harrassment. That's without even taking into account the Domestic abuse.

I have followed your situation since day one and I don't know how you manage it. I would have sold up and moved abroad to avoid her ages ago.

 

[Barrykearley]

@Kimbers I can’t sell up as I am dependent on her cooperation with any sale. I am literally fucked. 
 

Internet is back off again today. It’s utterly ridiculous and the police couldn’t give a toss

[C8RKH]

48 minutes ago, Barrykearley said:

Internet is back off again today. It’s utterly ridiculous and the police couldn’t give a toss

That would qualify as "harassment" Barry as that is what, four times now, and is a deliberate act to disrupt and harass you, the kids, and the other users. Get all the users to phone the police and lodge a  harassment incident each time it happens. Sometimes, it feels like you just have to poke and poke until the Bear wakes up and takes action.

[Barrykearley]

Trust me @C8RKH you never ever want to rely on west Mercia police for anything 

 

[calvan]

An appalling response.

It has been my experience that there are many individuals working in the system who hold to the bias, consciously in some instances and subconsciously in others, that female=victim and male=perpetrator and any circumstance that fails to comply with that model is to be disregarded. Unfortunately, it appears that this "principle" has been in full view in your case. I only wish I had something more constructive to add.

[Bibs]

Since when was harrassment a civil matter?