This is a joke, right?

[rogerch]

Ahh now you get it, but it's real performance not pretence..... Take note of the speedo, oh and throw in a little sex..

I think you're getting a bit radical now.

[ronin]

Kimbers my eyes, my eyes....

I really hope Swizzle doesn't push too hard and go retro..

Edited September 1, 2011 by ronin

[Kimbers]

I can't help but think of Swiss Cheese or Swizzle Sticks whenever anyone mentions his name. Maybe I'm obsessed with food? Or maybe he has a rediculous name!

[ronin]

Why change your given name unless you have something to hide... Who the hell takes someone with a name like swizzle stick seriously.... We don't. So when you meet this guy whata ya say.... "Yo yo, Swizzle wass up ?"

This is such a joke..

Dany....assuming the new Lotus position

[molemot]

One always needs a competent crew......even better if you can get them to help with the refit! And pay for it, too.......(!) As for passengers in a Lotus, they should always have eyes like saucers, white knuckles and dribble a bit from various orifices. Poseurs can have Ferraris....drivers are better off with a Lotus...and they are a much more accessible kit of parts to start with; where you end UP depends on how the muse takes you....

[ronin]

Check this Car and Driver Blog out...

Lotus: In Even Deeper Than You Realized

August 30, 2011 at 2:30pm by Jens Meiners

At last year’s

Paris auto show

, Lotus CEO Dany Bahar surprised the assembled press with

six concept cars

to show the way forward for the brand, complete with specs and production plans. Skeptics were puzzled about the unprecedented bean-spilling, which resembled an investor pep rally more than a press conference. There was a city car—later christened Ethos—a new Elise, a new Esprit supercar, a new Elan to be positioned between the Elise and the Esprit, the Elite front-engine sports car, and a sedan called the Eterne. Or, to be more accurate, there were styling mock-ups of these proposed vehicles.

We couldn’t help but wonder about this procession of cars, whose styling is just as indistinguishable as their names. Nor did we understand the decision to desert the current positioning of the Elise at a time when other carmakers are beginning to gravitate toward its light-weight, low-cost approach, or how Lotus would pay for the development and engineering of an entirely new vehicle family brimming with the latest technology.

Subsequently, we’ve been treated to a flurry of news releases regarding partnerships, sponsorships, and celebrity plant visits. The very latest releases announced

Bronx-raised rapper “Swizz Beatz”

being hired as “vice president of creative design and global marketing,” and the all-important partnership with the Norwich City soccer team. We are not kidding.

Meanwhile, what’s happening with the new cars supposed to be rushed into production? Bahar himself announced in a simulated interview published by his press department that the Elan would be “delayed, not canceled,” giving him more time to make sure that “the quality of the Evora matches its undeniable performance.” That’s good news, if a bit late in light of the fact that the Evora was unveiled in 2008.

German journalist Thomas Geiger, who was present at an event at the company’s headquarters in Hethel, U.K., a few weeks back, reports that the presentation consisted of “PowerPoints instead of prototypes.” According to Lotus, the Esprit is still slated for a debut in 2013. The next-generation Elise—which will be far heavier and more expensive than the current model—the four-seater Elite, and the four-door Eterne (of which just an exterior mockup exists so far) will have to wait until 2015. The Elan has supposedly been pushed back until 2017.

Rumor has it that Lotus tried to peddle the

Evora

to Caterham, but the maker of kit-car-like Lotus Seven derivatives politely declined. Now it seems the slow-selling Evora, powered by a Toyota Camry engine, will be built by Lotus until the Elan appears in 2017.

And then there’s the two-seater city car; it will be equipped, says Lotus, with an “alternative powertrain.” Of course it will be. On a roll now, Lotus also announced that it will offer every one of its two-door sports cars in several versions: a sporty “R” model, a lightweight derivative, and a roadster. For the most powerful cars, Lotus will develop its own 4.8-liter V-8 with around 570 hp. This is instead of the company’s original plan, which was to use supercharged Lexus engines—a plan that Lotus apparently

failed to share with Toyota

before announcing it to the public. But that’s not all: To keep its engineers from twiddling their thumbs, Lotus promises hybrid versions of all its cars as well.

Oh, and Bahar promises a €100-million investment into Lotus’s production site, which is supposed to crank out 8000 cars annually, up from 2500 right now. How far has the ambitious project progressed? “Fresh paint and a few excavators,” according to Geiger.

Who is going to pay for all of this? Proton, of course, the Malaysian carmaker that owns Lotus Cars and relies on Lotus Engineering for its own cars—far more than necessary, given the choice of competent global research-and-development consultancies. At a recent visit at Lotus headquarters in Hethel, Malaysian Prime Minister Najib Razak endorsed the sports-car maker’s plans. But even he admitted to “a small degree of skepticism due to the level of investment” when he first learned of Bahar’s plans.

Indeed, Bahar has spent vast amounts of money on staff and advisors, not to mention private jets and sponsorship deals, fantastic money at a point in time when Proton is so short on cash that vital new mainstream product and component programs are being delayed or canceled. One of the casualties is an extremely promising scalable-engine program co-developed with Ricardo that would have given Proton a significant edge over the competition. What’s more, it could have delivered the troublesome (and incidentally, Lotus-engineered) Campro engine a well-deserved final blow. But Proton spent the money on Lotus instead, and, for good measure, on a hideously costly electric-vehicle program with British firm Frazer-Nash Research. That partnership has produced little more than a few prototypes, mostly inoperable, and could go down in flames at any time.

If Proton’s patience runs out, Lotus’s prospects for bringing all five sports cars, plus the city car, onto the road in the proposed time frame are slim to none. “At best, Bahar might get one car out—in a non-U.S. version,” an insider tells us. Perhaps some extra money will come from U.K. authorities. Bahar has made it clear that Lotus could move operations abroad, to France, or India.

Even the skeptics will admit that changes at Lotus were necessary: The pre-Bahar working attitude at Hethel was described to us by insiders as operating in a comfort zone, with little attention paid to cost efficiency, and an overall “mindset that sent the company into a slow spiral to death.” Lotus was unable to turn a profit for many years, but neither did the company gobble up cash at the current rate, which is a direct result of Bahar’s “turnaround plan.” But another switch in Lotus’s top management won’t be easy. Bahar, we hear, has an elaborate contract with Proton that would make his discharge prohibitively expensive, or could see him walk away with a significant chunk of the company. “Auditors at Proton,” a confidant tells us, “are pulling their hair out.”

Why don’t they just chill and listen to their new VP? Mr. Beatz has got some fine lyrics for them: “Where the cash at?”

again...

[gtornes78]

Now that's one fine piece of automotive journalism, nicly written up by one German quoting another German chum, and I'm sure they had a great time coming up with all of their insider quotes, especially this:

Rumor has it that Lotus tried to peddle the Evora to Caterham, but the maker of kit-car-like Lotus Seven derivatives politely declined.

Yeah, for sure. Gave me a proper good laugh though.

The accuracy in the rest of their insider knowledge is probably on the same non-existent level.

[Iconic Ride]

Geir, I like the way you "cut to the chase." So many of us take automotive articles, blogs, news reports, and even online forum comments as gospel, when the vast majority of us have no way to verify the veracity of the information spewed forth. While some publications tend to be more reliable than others, even they are frequently not subject to objective scrutiny. Gleaning the rare kernel of truth from multiple reporting inputs is difficult at best, and sometimes impossible at worst. Cross-referencing can help, but few have the energy to do so consistently. And even then, just because several sources parrot back the same conclusions does not necessarily guarantee unassailable accuracy.

So what are we to do? While speculation is always entertaining, it doesn't always provide the same feelings of satisfaction that knowing cold hard facts can. In the meantime, most of us are just along for the ride, following with keen interest any new developments, but knowing in our hearts that predicting the future of any complicated enterprise is akin to loading chaos theory parameters into a random symbol generator computer and throwing the oscar november switch to see what comes out.

Arrggghhhhhh!

[Kimbers]

It is full of factual innaccuracies. However the general consensus that Bahar has Proton over a barrell does seem to ring true.

one question. If its true and Bahar gets a massive pay off or part of the company on Termination of his contract wouldn't it pay him to act crazy, waste money and generally look incompetant? Hmmmmmmmm!

[Bibs]

Why would you ruin a company when part of your payout for termination is a part of the company. Pissing on your own doorstep, non?

[ronin]

The marketing strategy is having an effect...

[NedaSay]

I'm not sure the picture is as dark as Car and Driver wants its reader to believe! Actually I think that DB has made some good moves! Getting Lotus in China, New network in Oz, delaying Elan until 2016... However DB has sometimes been a bit to quick to talk and to defensive on some topics! I have to say that he did bring some of it on himself! The sales for 2011 are not stunning due to the end of the ZZ and I think Lotus should have managed the transition away to the ZZ better! I think Frankfurt will be a strong indicator of where the company is heading! Evora, Elise and Exige are to carry the torch together! That is a good thing! Still, Esprit better come soon! In fact, I think DB realized that MJK three tier line up was not a bad business plan in the short term! Next year Lotus should manage to shift a lot more cars.

Edited September 11, 2011 by NedaSay

[Kimbers]

Actually I think that DB has made some good moves! Getting Lotus in China, .

Wake up mate! Lotus were in China way before DB tried to make you think he was there first! This sort of bullshit really makes me angry...and the fact you believe it makes me even more angry!

MJK signed agreements in China in 2008! i have the pics somewhere and when I find them I will post them! Until then don't post crap just because you are quoting the lies spouted by the PR department!

[bftd]

Kimbers yes Lotus engineering was in China (2008), but to call the PR bullshitters is wrong. They are referring to Lotus car sales in China which had to be called Lotus NYO because of Youngman Lotus having the rights to the name, all thanks to good old Proton giving the Lotus name away willy nilly as usual.

[NedaSay]

Wow!!! Chill Kimbers!!!

I know Lotus was in China before 2008! Their first joint venture 'with Youngman' goes as far back as 2006. However the new joint venture with Youngman is a lot bigger than what Lotus had before that! It doesn't focus on engineering it focuses on opening dealerships! I was in China very recently (in March) and did not spot Lotus dealers in either Beijing or Shanghai!!! Believe me I was looking hard, I saw the dealer in Hong Kong though! My point was DB has made some good moves and yes Kimbers, he's made some crappy ones too! No tantrum necessary!

Edited September 12, 2011 by NedaSay

[Iconic Ride]

Ah, the inscrutable Chinese. Truly a daring market to penetrate, and such an adventuresome clientele! What more can you say about a country that brought you Shark Fin Soup?

Well, actually you can........

Menu: Horse penis and testicles with a chilli dip

By Richard Spencer (The Daily Telegraph)

Updated: 2006-02-17 11:15

The menu at Beijing's latest venue for its growing army of gourmets is eye-watering rather than mouth-watering.

A dish combining the male organs of an ox and a snake

China's cuisine is renowned for being "in your face" - from the skinned dogs displayed at food markets to the kebabbed scorpions sold on street stalls - and there is no polite way of describing Guo-li-zhuang.

Situated in an elegantly restored house beside Beijing's West Lake, it is China's first speciality penis restaurant.

Here, businessmen and government officials can sample the organs of yaks, donkeys, oxen and even seals. In fact, they have to, since they form part of every dish - except for those containing testicles.

"This is my third visit," said one customer, Liu Qiang. "Of course, there are other restaurants that serve the bian of individual animals. But this is the first that brings them all together."

Guolizhuang's owner, who set it up in November, is proud to combine his own surname (Guo), his wife's (Li) and his son's nickname (Zhuang) into its title.

A booking comes with a trained waitress and a nutritionist in attendance, to explain the menu and to boast its medicinal virtues.

Dog's penis, garnished with a plum

In China, you are what you eat, and The Daily Telegraph's nutritionist, Zhu Yan, said the clients were mainly men eager to improve their yang, or virility. Women could benefit, too, she added, although she told the Telegraph's female photographer: "I wouldn't recommend the testicles. The testosterone might interfere in fertility. But many women say bian is good for the skin."

Some dishes appear unexceptional, such as the simple goat penis, sliced, dipped in flour, fried, and served skewered with soy sauce.

But Guolizhuang also has its showpieces, such as the elegantly named "Head crowned with a Jade Bracelet" (provided by horses from the western Muslim region of Xin-jiang), for ￡20 a portion, or "Dragon in the Flame of Desire" (yak, steamed whole, fried and flambéed) for ￡35.

For beginners, Miss Zhu recommended the hotpot, which offers a sampling of what the restaurant has to offer - six types of penis, and four of testicle, boiled in chicken stock by the waitress, Liu Yunyang, 22.

The Russian dog was first. It was julienned, and rather gamey.

The ox was, of all six, the most recognisable for what it was, even though it had been diced. In texture seemed identical to gristle.

The deer and the Mongolian goat were surprisingly similar: a little stringy, they had the appearance and feel of overcooked squid tentacles. The Xinjiang horse and the donkey, on the other hand, were quite different. Though both came sliced lengthwise, and looked like bacon, the horse was light and fatty, while the donkey had a firm colour and taste. The testicles were slightly crumbly, and tasted better with lashings of the sesame, soy and chilli dips thoughtfully provided.

One speciality, Canadian seal penis, costs a hefty ￡220, and requires ordering in advance. Miss Liu confessed that Guo-li-zhuang was an unusual place to work, partly because of her training - she has to recite tales proving the vigour of the animals in question as they are being eaten - and partly because of the interaction with the clientele. "I did find it embarrassing at first," she said. "And sometimes the customers take advantage of me by asking rude questions."

As for the supposed health benefits, Mr Liu, the most regular customer, was uncertain but hopeful. "I can't say I've noticed any difference yet," he said. "But it's a long-term thing."

And no doubt the hip hop rap music piped-in the background fits right in with the festivities. Do they know how to party, or what?

[Tony K]

I don't think I've ever been as dumbfounded and speechless after reading a post on an internet forum as I am after reading that.

[ronin]

[ramjet]

Not much has happened in here for a while.

Sooo... I have to ask,

Has anything of any merit come from the new VP of marketing? Or have I missed the thread that outlines his global plan for domination?

For the record, did anyone notice that the few of us that voted have beaten the many 'thousands' of followers that people think Swizz has. Hmm.

[Iconic Ride]

Da man from Oz

He got a cause

Doan like the Swizz

On him he does pizz

Gonna tell that honkey

Go get him a donkey

He still play Atari

Blong in a Ferrari

Me I drive a Lotus

I put that man on notice

The Swizz is uber cool

An' the Aussie he done drool

Dany be the boss

He droppin' people's jaws

We goin' up the scale

Ain' no way we fail

We be usin' hip hop

Fo' makin' Lotus tip top

He can try an' fight me

The Swizz jus' tell him bite me!

[lotus4s]

:happy dance: :happy dance:

[Kimbers]

For more information on what he's doing see the headlines:

1. Swiss Cheese is Crackers!

2. Swiss Beats involves cow bells and yodeling

3. Swizzle Sticks hold in the fruit

4. Bahar admits he was working with epoxy resin and injecting engine oil when he appointed new VP of Creative design.

[ronin]

I believe Lotus chose a oil soaked wimpy British boxer because they know the Asian market is much tougher on their cars...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4n_9Nd9bhco&feature=player_embedded

[basalte]

The AA will give that bloke a job, as I know to my cost.....

[Bibs]

It's been a month and a half now, anyone seen what Swizzy has added to the company yet?

Our poll is now at...

despite his best efforts to mobilise his 660,000 twitter fans, looks like a bad decision to me.