The Thought for the day...

[wookiecj]

Question: If [our] reality is a 3 dimensional holographic projection of a multidimensional universe (current conjecture making the Theoretical Physics' rounds), is it in high def or standard resolution? And what channel is it on?

Observation: Well, it's not on the BBC 'cos there's too many adverts!

Fact: The 50p coin is shaped the way it is so you can get it out of a scotsmans hand with a spanner.

It used to be a threppeny bit, but that's inflation for you......

Question: Why is abbreviation such a long word?

Question: Where does the 'old fart' come from who hides behind my bathroom mirror every morning?

Edited June 17, 2010 by wookie

[ramjet]

Question: How was Kimbers #1 on the LEF Fantasy Formula 1 for so long?

Fact: Kimbers is now @s which is still far too high. (it's a conspiracy I tell you)

[Kimbers]

Answer because I am perfect in every way!

Question: If a schizophrenic person threatens to kill himelf is that considered a hostage situation?

Fact: The largest concentration of animals ever observed was a swarm of Grasshoppers in 1879. The swarm was the size of Germany and contained more than 12,500 billion insects that put together would weigh 55,000 billion lbs.

[rogerch]

Prove it.

[Günter]

@Roger

..see his *facebook* avatar ...and you will know it !

[Kimbers]

Lol, Gunter. I think I was smashed when that one was taken....can't seem to remember myself.

[slewthy]

Fact : PortVale FC is not in a vale and its nowhere near the sea.

Question : What does 'emordnilip' mean, backwards? (from Dr.Awkward)

[Petrol feet driven]

Fact : Clement Vallandigham, a 19th century US politician and lawyer, died after going too far in defending an accused murderer. While attempting to prove that the murder victim could have accidentally shot himself, Vallandigham accidentally shot himself. On the plus side, it worked - his client was acquitted.

Question : If we say, we are here to help others, what are the others here for?

Question : If laughter is the best medicine, who's the idiot who said they 'died laughing'?

[Günter]

@Simon:

as a song can tell... from Weird Al www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nej4xJe4Tdg

Question: why does a girl always say 'tell me..' if she in fact means 'listen to me..'

Edited June 19, 2010 by Günter

[Iconic Ride]

Question: If a schizophrenic person threatens to kill himelf is that considered a hostage situation?

Fact: I'm not schizophrenic...and neither am I.

Question: If Gunter is correct, and the holographic projection is on channel 42, how many widescreen tellies are on the walls at Milliways? And if your Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster is made from "virtual particles," can you down the beverage before Heisenberg's Uncertainty Principle recalls the "borrowed" energy and your drink evaporates before your eyes?

Don't panic.

[Sabine]

Hmmmmmm ... Günther ... didnt you mean 42 as a quote from "A space Odyssey" ?

... dont worry HAL will tell us .....

[gghc87]

Sabine its 'Hitchhickers Guide to the Galaxy' not '2001 a space odyssey'

The Question

It has been shown that there is an answer to the great question of life, the universe and everything. It was computed by Deep Thought, but really didn't seem to provide , well... an answer.

The great computer kindly pointed out that what the problem really was that no-one knew the question. Accordingly, the computer designed its successor, the Earth, to find the question to the ultimate answer.

However, due to a slight Golgafrincham problem, and a small hooha with some Vogons the program went a bit wrong. The whole problem remains just as mysterious as it always has been, but a little more frustrating.

The Answer

The Ultimate Answer

Some time ago a group of hyper-intelligent pan dimensional beings decided to finally answer the great question of Life, The Universe and Everything.

To this end they built an incredibly powerful computer, Deep Thought. After the great computer programme had run (a very quick seven and a half million years) the answer was announced.

The Ultimate answer to Life, the Universe and Everything is...

(You're not going to like it...)

Is...

42

http://www.bbc.co.uk/cult/hitchhikers/guide/answer.shtml

[Sabine]

Ohhhhhhh Cliff,

Thanks for putting this right ....... I knew it was something well known in the science fiction genre and just got it wrong out of scratch ...

Yours

Sabine

[gghc87]

Whilst we are on the subject of Hitchhikers and as already mentioned by John in dispatches

Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster (PGGB’s)

The best drink in existence is the Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster The effect of drinking a Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster is like having your brains smashed out by a slice of lemon wrapped around a large gold brick. The man who invented the Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster also invented the wisest quote ever made, it was this: never drink more then two Pan Galactic Gargle Blasters unless you are a uchturan mega-elephant with bronchial pneumonia

Mind you, I’m not 100% sure so don’t quote me, but did I imagine it or did they use to have terrible problems mixing the PGGB’s, as it was claimed that if you didn’t use the correct recommended ingredients it would dissolve the impellors of the food processors used to make them or apologies in advance if I have got that wrong and hopefully someone will enlighten me?

[Kimbers]

It is most gratifying that your enthusiasm for our planet continues unabated. As a token of our appreciation, we hope you will enjoy the two thermonuclear missiles we've just sent to converge with your craft. To ensure ongoing quality of service, your death may be monitored for training purposes. Thank you.

[Iconic Ride]

We wish to thank you for the launch of your two thermonuclear missiles, as this affords us the opportunity to operationally test our newly developed Galactoweb IV Missile Redirect Shield, with the latest mirror symmetry high focus exponential multiplier technology. As a further token of our appreciation we offer up to you a brief (as your time is very short) example of our renowned poetry (3rd worst in the universe by all accounts).

Roses are red

Violets are blue

Have a nice day

You're toast (too)

Vogons rule, earthlings drool. Nanner nanner boo boo......

[USAndretti42]

Fact: The largest concentration of animals ever observed was a swarm of Grasshoppers in 1879. The swarm was the size of Germany and contained more than 12,500 billion insects that put together would weigh 55,000 billion lbs.

That would make the average weight of each grasshopper 4.4 lb. That would be a lot of very big grasshoppers. I think people posting these "facts" need to start quoting their sources.

Slewthy, were you talking about a palindrome? If so, you missed an 'a'. If not, what were you talking about?

Fact - The USA's oldest, continuously published magazine is Scientific American which was started publication on August 28, 1845. (From the editorial of the August 2010 issue of Scientific American.)

Why, in America, if you dial long distance on a landline and forget the initial '1' do you get a recorded message to put a 1 in front of the number you just dialed? If the computer knew you needed to do that, why didn't it do it for you?

[Kimbers]

I shall never release my sources as it may open them up to prosecution

FACT: Originally, Coca-Cola was sold as a prescription to cure "melancholy, hysteria and migraines"

FACT 2: The word F**K comes from England and stands for "Fornicate Under Command (consent) of the King". legend has it that it was a command by the king to repopulate the country after the plague. This is the first instance of it being used to mean intercourse between humans, however it was really only a slight change of the German words Ficken (or Fucken) meaning to strike or Penetrate and the Dutch word Fokken Meaning to breed (cattle). It is one of the most versatile of words in teh English language and can be used as an expletive an adjective a verb or a noun!

QUESTION: Why is the word Abbreviation so long?

[Bibs]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fuck

^ Look under 'False etymology'

[Kimbers]

It was on the History channel last night so I will stay with my original answer for 10.

[arbell9]

a difficult word to trace, in part because it was taboo to the editors of the original OED when the "F" volume was compiled, 1893-97. Written form only attested from early 16c. OED 2nd edition cites 1503, in the form fukkit; earliest appearance of current spelling is 1535 -- "Bischops ... may fuck thair fill and be vnmaryit" [sir David Lyndesay, "Ane Satyre of the Thrie Estaits"], but presumably it is a much more ancient word than that, simply one that wasn't likely to be written in the kind of texts that have survived from O.E. and M.E. Buck cites proper name John le Fucker from 1278. The word apparently is hinted at in a scurrilous 15c. poem, titled "Flen flyys," written in bastard L. and M.E. The relevant line reads:

Non sunt in celi

quia fuccant uuiuys of heli

"They [the monks] are not in heaven because they fuck the wives of Ely." Fuccant is pseudo-Latin, and in the original it is written in cipher. The earliest examples of the word otherwise are from Scottish, which suggests a Scandinavian origin, perhaps from a word akin to Norwegian dialectal fukka "copulate," or Swedish dialectal focka "copulate, strike, push," and fock "penis." Another theory traces it to M.E. fyke, fike "move restlessly, fidget," which also meant "dally, flirt," and probably is from a general North Sea Germanic word, cf. M.Du. fokken, Ger. ficken "fuck," earlier "make quick movements to and fro, flick," still earlier "itch, scratch;" the vulgar sense attested from 16c. This would parallel in sense the usual M.E. slang term for "have sexual intercourse," swive, from O.E. swifan "to move lightly over, sweep" (see swivel). Chronology and phonology rule out Shipley's attempt to derive it from M.E. firk "to press hard, beat." As a noun, it dates from 1680. French foutre and Italian fottere look like the English word but are unrelated, derived rather from L. futuere, which is perhaps from PIE base *bhau(t)- "knock, strike off," extended via a figurative use "from the sexual application of violent action" [shipley; cf. the sexual slang use of bang, etc.]. Popular and Internet derivations from acronyms (and the "pluck yew" fable) are merely ingenious trifling. The O.E. word was hæman, from ham "dwelling, home," with a sense of "take home, co-habit." Fuck was outlawed in print in England (by the Obscene Publications Act, 1857) and the U.S. (by the Comstock Act, 1873). The word may have been shunned in print, but it continued in conversation, especially among soldiers during WWI.

It became so common that an effective way for the soldier to express this emotion was to omit this word. Thus if a sergeant said, 'Get your ----ing rifles!' it was understood as a matter of routine. But if he said 'Get your rifles!' there was an immediate implication of urgency and danger. [John Brophy, "Songs and Slang of the British Soldier: 1914-1918," pub. 1930]

The legal barriers broke down in the 20th century, with the "Ulysses" decision (U.S., 1933) and "Lady Chatterley's Lover" (U.S., 1959; U.K., 1960). Johnson excluded the word, and fuck wasn't in a single English language dictionary from 1795 to 1965. "The Penguin Dictionary" broke the taboo in the latter year. Houghton Mifflin followed, in 1969, with "The American Heritage Dictionary," but it also published a "Clean Green" edition without the word, to assure itself access to the lucrative public high school market. The abbreviation F (or eff) probably began as euphemistic, but by 1943 it was being used as a cuss word, too. In 1948, the publishers of "The Naked and the Dead" persuaded Norman Mailer to use the euphemism fug instead. When Mailer later was introduced to Dorothy Parker, she greeted him with, "So you're the man who can't spell 'fuck' " [The quip sometimes is attributed to Tallulah Bankhead]. Hemingway used muck in "For whom the Bell Tolls" (1940). The major breakthrough in publication was James Jones' "From Here to Eternity" (1950), with 50 fucks (down from 258 in the original manuscript). Egyptian legal agreements from the 23rd Dynasty (749-21 B.C.E.) frequently include the phrase, "If you do not obey this decree, may a donkey copulate with you!" [Reinhold Aman, "Maledicta," Summer 1977]. Fuck-all "nothing" first recorded 1960. Verbal phrase fuck up "to ruin, spoil, destroy" first attested c.1916. A widespread group of Slavic words (cf. Pol. pierdolić) can mean both "fornicate" and "make a mistake." Fuck off attested from 1929; as a command to depart, by 1944. Flying fuck originally meant "have sex on horseback" and is first attested c.1800 in broadside ballad "New Feats of Horsemanship." For the unkillable urban legend that this word is an acronym of some sort (a fiction traceable on the Internet to 1995 but probably predating that) see here, and also here. Related: Fucked; fucking. Agent noun fucker attested from 1590s in literal sense; by 1893 as a term of abuse (or admiration).

ref

Edited August 5, 2010 by Alex --GT3--

[Scotty C]

Fact: The 50p coin is shaped the way it is so you can get it out of a scotsmans hand with a spanner.

I think you will find that a 50p has 7 sides and so a spanned will not work. Why do you think we still have pound notes up here, there much easier to hold onto. LOL

keeping up the Scottish theme

Fact: Scotland is composed of 790 islands and has about 130 that are inhabited.

[andydclements]

A Norfolk person was told to make the 50p coin a hexagon, when he asked what's that he was told it was a shape with one more side than you have toes on your foot. hence they are as they are.

[arbell9]

And you think you are in the wrong job?????

[lrg_machine]

When I travel along the motorway at 70 MPH

The earth is spinning at roughly 1041 MPH

The earth is rotating around the sun at 69,360 MPH

The the solar system is rotating around the milky way at 446,400 MPH

and the milky way is moving through the universe at 1,339,200 MPH

All I can think of is

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!