Lotus Laughs

[DaKa]

There must be some stupid and funny moments that we have had with our cars that are worth sharing for a laugh!

I have a transcend200 dashcam and thought I would take it out in my Lotus Excel to record the car on the road and the local country lanes, perhaps even post it on YouTube.

After about 10 mins recording I was having problems selecting first gear. On a few occasions I had to pull off in 2nd. I could get first sometimes but it just didn't feel right. All the other gears seemed fine.

Lots of possible causes were running through my mind, none of them good.

I've seen lots of posts about gear box and clutch problems and guessed it was my turn for a serious problem!

I got home, parked up and disconnected the dashcam from the power source, I then looked for the cigarette lighter to replace it into the power source.

At that point I realised the lighter was wedged into the gear stick gaitor and it was this that was preventing me selecting 1st.

What a dummy, but what a relief.

What's your most stupid?

[mikeeech]

Not lotus related but once got my driver foot well carpet caught under the clutch pedal on my rx7 and couldn't get a gear without graunching the 'box!

Also failed to tighten the nearside wheel bolts on a vw beetle and watched it sail down the road ahead of me. Funny how it picked up speed. Luckily on a country road

Oh and then there was the time my brake caliper fell off of my scimitar. Luckily it got lodged in the wheel but this caused the brake fluid to heat up and lock the brakes. Should have stopped when I heard the first bolt fall out

[Laura]

Not lotus related but once got my driver foot well carpet caught under the clutch pedal on my rx7 and couldn't get a gear without graunching the 'box!

I used to have a similar problem with the clutch getting caught under the carpet so would just be revving the engine instead of pulling away

[ramjet]

The only one I can think of at the moment is one I think all Esprit drivers have had. Wore my sand shoes driving the car and pressed the brake and accelerator at the same time.

That's always a fun time.

[j2 lot]

Don't even remember which car as it was years ago but, left the house and drove down the road- went to brake for a junction and couldn't move my foot AT ALL. Panic - left foot braking and a clumsy stall at the side of the road to reveal that the untied lace of my trainer was caught in the door preventing my foot from moving past the accelerator.

[steve930]

I kinda ran over myself bump starting my old Porsche 911 turbo, the rear wheels/arches protrude from the side of the car a fair bit and they caught the back of my leg sending me flying to the ground. I then had to get up off the floor and chase after the car before it crashed into anything.

 

Luckily no-one saw this. 

[Jacques]

That was really funny

Fortunately in most of these incidents, only one's ego was harmed a bit.

 

Cheers,

Jacques.

[LotusLeftLotusRight]

Back in my last few weeks of 6th form, I borrowed my brother's Mini 1275GT to go to school one day. I parked outside our common room and popped inside to collect my belongings. When I came back out 5 minutes later, there it was...gone!

 

A quick look around revealed it resting against the steps of the school dining room right across the playground. I had forgotten to put the handbrake on and half the school was watching as I sheepishly retrieved it.

 

I didn't confess that one to my brother until many years later.

[nello]

My old mate Paul and I used to love the early morning dash down the Fosse to Coombe for the May track day almost as much as the track day itself. Serious fun 'sprinting' down the A roads. I always remember coming back down the A42/M42 returning from Donnington one year. I was leading in the Turbo HC with Paul in the Essex behind. I mis-read a turn-off thinking I needed to leave at the next exit and we proceeded exceeding the queens highway limit in and then hugely rapidly out of a 'rest area' lay-by shooting past several families eating their sandwiches at picnic tables - literally open-mouthed at the sight   

[Kimbers]

Not funny but, The first time I drove a Lotus I was 19 and I was lent it by the old man to take my Girlfriend out. I was pulling away from the lights in Norwich not racing (the witnesses all told the Police after) and I saw some drunken idiot stagger out of the pub just after the lights and he proceeded to fall over directly into my path. I felt the bump of the front wheels going over him, hit the brakes and stopped with him jammed under the rear wheels. Despite being oxonerated by the Police and even his mates the old man didn't let me drive another of his cars for a whole year.....

 

In more of a funny story, not Lotus, but car related, it was snowing heavily and I had my Citroen AX GT. I was about 21. I thought I'd do some rally driving round some S bends close to my old house. I hand braked round the first fine, got to the second and.......handbraked straight into the ditch. Now the front wheels of my AX were in the ditch but the back wheels were up on the bank. "I Know!" I thought, "I'll use the manual choke to rev the car, put it in reverse and push it out!". Now the first issue with that was that I didn't see the barbed wire that was now firmly wedged into the wheel arch behind the front bumper. The second is that I pulled the choke all the way out so rather than revving slightly, it was revving at about 4,000 RPM. I put it in reverse the wheels were spinning and I pushed and pushed and.....the front wheels touched the bank and the car shot off back down the road, leaving the front end on top of me where the barbed wire had ripped the bumper and front grill off. All I heard was a massive BANG as it got to the first corner and went backwards into another ditch.

 

That car wasn't lucky for me as I was also driving up Ketts Hill in Norwich (which is very very steep) accelerating hard and the back of the drivers seat snapped off and dumped me onto the back seat. Because of the incline I struggled to get up and ended up ramming a car waiting at the roundabout at the top of the hill! 

[LotusLeftLotusRight]

Here's another seat one.

 

Many years ago, a friend of mine was being taken up from Southend airport as a passenger by his mate in a little Cessna.

 

They got to the end of the runway ready for take-off and were given the hurry-up by the Tower, since a cargo jet was coming in to land. Anyway the Cessna pilot gave it the full beans and promptly disappeared backwards into the rear of the cabin. His seat wasn't secured and he couldn't get back due to the G force.

 

This just left my friend at the controls and with some quick advice from his now back-seat driver, they safely got airborne until the pilot finally managed to haul himself back to where he had started from. No harm done.

[softlips]

Out one evening getting amorous with my fiancé in my old Hillman Avenger. Eventually things calmed down and she couldn't find her knickers. There was no light in the car, no phones obviously and we were parked in a lay you in the woods. After much fumbling we gave up looking and I took her home.

I'd forgotton all about them until a few days later her mother asked if I could drop her in town. She got in the passenger seat and within seconds pulled the black lacy knickers out from the side of the seat and exclaimed "what's this?" Quick as a flash I snatched them out of her hand and said "thanks, I was looking for that" then furiously wiped the windscreen with them.

From her discussion with her daughter later one has to assume she wasn't fooled.

[The Pits]

I spent the night in an Esprit once with a friend. On the way to France the throttle cable snapped so we were towed to the nearest dealer which was shut on a Sunday night. Not very funny at the time but we slept OK considering, I've had worse nights in a tent. The mechanics seemed to think it was quite amusing the next morning finding two grown men asleep in an Esprit in their forecourt.

 

Another one not in any way funny at the time was when the same car, a 1990 Turbo SE, got stolen in Newcastle. I was staying with a girlfriend and heard the car start up outside her house. I ran outside in the freezing cold and chased my own car down the street wearing nothing but boxer shorts! The thieving scumbags then spun the car around and started heading for me at great speed.

 

Run away! Run away! 

 

Now my own car was trying to run me over! While an entirely horrendous experience for me at the time, it must have looked very amusing for anyone watching! Thank goodness no-one had cameraphones back then! 

[mayevora]

There must be some stupid and funny moments that we have had with our cars that are worth sharing for a laugh!

Here's one that made me smile from Saturday. My daily car gets a lot of sudden braking practice and many pupils leave their open bags on the back seat, which then ends up on the floor and upon my weekly clean, a few items end up in my 'lost property' box in the boot. Had plenty of brollys, keys, pens, bits of packed lunch but this was the strangest item fallen out of a bag and left behind yet. I was going to to put a 'anyone's?' post on my Business Facebook page lol.

Ps - it's not a light sabre.

[Bibs]

I spent the night in an Esprit once with a friend. On the way to France the throttle cable snapped so we were towed to the nearest dealer which was shut on a Sunday night. Not very funny at the time but we slept OK considering, I've had worse nights in a tent. The mechanics seemed to think it was quite amusing the next morning finding two grown men asleep in an Esprit in their forecourt.

 

In a similar vein, Lotus asked me to go to Le Mans in 2012 to write a blog for their website about the race. Once I arrived I was to be given details of a hotel they'd booked for me however it appeared they'd neglected to book anything so I slept in the Evora for 3 days on the road next to the airport! Fortunately I had a paddock pass () and they had very good showers in the facilities there!

[Barrykearley]

I a little concerned that's going in the classifieds section..........

[910Esprit]

Very remote part of North Yorkshire after dark with girlfriend in TR6 (Fryup area for locals....) Clutch slave cylinder went,  ....   So I was driving entirely clutchless - took a wrong turn up a dead end lane and tried to drive into farmyard to spin around.  Stalled and got completely bogged down.  With car immobile in middle of farmyard old farmer turns up and completely unfazed took us into farmhouse for a snack & refreshments prepared by his wife, followed by an evening of chat.   Subsequently towed us out and sent us on our way.   Not funny, but just one of those really memorable unexpected events.

 

In Zambia, 50 miles down a dirt track 'shortcut' I had decided to take and had a blowout - with same girlfriend.   Checked spare - completely flat.  As the only white faces in the middle of nowhere, I was expecting rape & murder!   However out of nowhere people 'materialised' as did a puncture repair kit, pump and other paraphanalia and they got going again!   Cost me my hat and a teashirt mind you...

 

Young and foolish, flat out in my GT6 (110)  rounding a curve on the A19 - there was a police traffic car cruising slowly - I simply hammered the anchors on and went into uncontrollable fishtailing - so brakes off and passed the police at maybe 80mph still recovering from fishtailing.   To this day I still can't understand why he didn't pull me up!    

 

Oh sorry - just read its Lotus laughs!   -  

Edited June 9, 2015 by 910Esprit

[nello]

Is that what you use for engine inspection Ian 

Edited June 10, 2015 by nello

[Kimbers]

It's see through so internal inspection may be possible!

[Jacques]

I guess that the police had a good laugh, while telling to one another, that you already had enough trouble trying to brake and fishtailing....  

 

Cheers,

Jacques.

[Jacques]

Being a passenger in a friends Esprit Turbo (Stevens), he had picked me up at home, and we went for a trip. Darkness came upon the land, and we chose a narrow very steep curvy c-road with no street light. Mind you, the tires were really old, really hard and had very Little (read: zero) grip.

Giving it the beans in a sharp turn, the Esprit spun around, and as it did that and my friend who drove, tried to contrasteer, the front screen got totally splashed over with dark sticky stuff, and he steered in total blindness...

Fortunately nothing happened, but I noted the rather shocked face on the driver of the car coming from the opposite direction. We were hmmm... really close to him.

okay, turn around, stop at a more convienient place, and inspect.

Oh no, my friend said, it must be oil.

Nah, it's not oil, as I tasted it.

Oh no, it's coolant, my friend said.

Nah, it's not coolant, I said.

Oh no, it must be window washer fluid, he said.

Nah, it's not that either, I replied.

Then it Struck me and I said: you know what, it's old crap and rain water and your front light pod drain is blocked...

 

Haha, home we went. Lesson learned, as we are both beginners in the Esprit World.   

 

Cheers,

Jacques.