LEF Jokes & Gags thread

[pete]

[mayevora]

My favourite chat up line right now…..

If you want to come back to mine, I’ll put the heating on! 

[Rambo]

1 hour ago, mayevora said:

My favourite chat up line right now…..

If you want to come back to mine, I’ll put the heating on! 

I'd have thought "come back to mine, I'll provide the friction" would be more appropriate? 🤔

[PaulCP]

I went to the sperm donor clinic and the nurse said 'can you masturbate in the cup?' - I said 'I'm good but I'm not sure I'm competition standard'.

 

 

I found a note on the fridge from my wife saying "Its not working - I've gone back to my Mothers" ... I checked and the milk's still cold?! Dunno what she's on about.

 

[Alfa2Evora]

[pete]

[LotusFella]

Elderly couple in church and the wife whispers to the husband. "I've just done a silent fart. What should I do?"

Husband turns to her and says "put new batteries in your hearing aid"

[PaulCP]

Someone in the shop today asked me to name three Qatar players.

So I said , ''Jimi Hendrix, Eric Clapton and George Harrison''.

[Rambo]

I've just re-named my wife San Marino.

Why? Because she kicks off every 10 minutes.

[LOTUSMAN33]

Just posted on FB and made me chuckle 🙂

[pete]

[jep]

Having never been to a drive-through, I don't understand this gag. 

 

[Rambo]

The "joke" doesn't make sense to me either 🤔

And anyway, I can't imagine an 83 year old going to a McDonalds for a burger, let alone driving a car.

[Escape]

20 minutes ago, Rambo said:

The "joke" doesn't make sense to me either 🤔

And anyway, I can't imagine an 83 year old going to a McDonalds for a burger, let alone driving a car.

The joke is a classic, apparently some find it worth it to pay for food they didn't order/don't want just to make someone wait longer for theirs. I agree some deserve to be thought a lesson, but I wouldn't want to end up with a double order and it would be a shame to let it go to waste. Even if it's only McDo, a cow still gave her live for that burger. 😉

As for 83 year olds, the old lady next door was still taking her Jag XJ shopping to the local village regularly at 80+. I once saw her pull into a spot that most soccer moms would have passed on because they deemed it too small for their cashcow. 😄
Sadly she has passed away, but she and her husband were fortunate to enjoy many good years after retiring (and having worked for it very hard). His & hers Jag were a familiar sight in the neighborhood.

[Rambo]

Some people must have more money than sense, that's all I can say. Or are just plain vindictive.

[Bibs]

Psst, clue is in the name of the thread, it's a joke! 

[Chillidoggy]

5 hours ago, Rambo said:

The "joke" doesn't make sense to me either 🤔

And anyway, I can't imagine an 83 year old going to a McDonalds for a burger, let alone driving a car.

Pete does it all the time.

[C8RKH]

[pete]

Reminds me of the Indian restaurant near me called Passage to India.. On the rear entrance someone wrote Back Passage to India

[Rambo]

Was the food shite?

[Escape]

In the end, all food ends that way 😄

[pete]

[mayevora]

I am in the Mrs good books, she loved her bag and belt combo I got her for valentines, the hoover has never worked so well.

[Escape]

12 minutes ago, mayevora said:

I am in the Mrs good books, she loved her bag and belt combo I got her for valentines, the hoover has never worked so well.

So you either have a very clean house, or a very big grin. 😄

[Alfa2Evora]