LEF Jokes & Gags thread

[RobinB5]

[exeterjeep]

It was one of these that Top Gear had in their car for OAP episode.

 

[Escape]

I especially liked the big button for the rear fog guard, that wasn't actually connected to anything. 😁

[Kimbers]

Fugly as they come but strangely capable and well liked!

[Sparky]

Bit like me.

[Mark Blanchard]

[Mark Blanchard]

 

[Kimbers]

[Kimbers]

[pete]

[ChrisJ]

[C8RKH]

Englishman, Scotsman, Welshman, and Irish man are captured by the Taliban.

"We're going to chop your heads off, you infidels, but you can have one last request each.

The Welshman is asked for his last request.

"I'd like 1,000 Welshmen to sing land of my Father's"

The Scotsman is asked.

"I'd like a 1,000 Scotsmen playing Flower of Scotland on the bagpipes"

Then  the Irishman.

"I'd like a 1,000 Irishmen doing the River Dance.

Finally, the Englishman is asked.

"Fookin' shoot me first, please!"

 

(courtesy: Bernard Manning RIP).

 

[C8RKH]

Dung beetle walks into a bar and asks "is this stool taken"?

How do you find Will Smith in the snow?  You look for the fresh prints.

I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey. But I turned myself around.

My wife was cooking last night and complained she needed some peace and quiet. So I took the battery out of the smoke detector

 

 

[Escape]

[Escape]

[jep]

Reads like a Trump speech. 

[C8RKH]

Classic Dave Allen.

 

[pete]

[pete]

I was in Walmart using the restroom and just as I closed my stall door, a voice from the next stall said, “Hi! How are you?” 

 

Embarrassed... I said, “I’m alright!!" The voice said, "So what are you up to?” 

 

I said, “Ummm... Just trying to handle a little private business over here!” 

 

Then I hear, “Can I come over?” Annoyed... I said “Excuse me?!?!." 

 

Then the voice said, “Listen, I will have to call you back, there’s an idiot in the next stall answering all my questions!

[mayevora]

I just got an email on how to read maps backwards…….

It was spam

(and haven’t even opened the Xmas crackers yet! 🤣)

[Escape]

[pete]

thats like telling the children that the ice cream van only rings its bell when it has run out

[Sparky]

[mayevora]

[Sparky]

Took me a minute!