Bob: the bullet that finally got me

[ramjet]

Has anyone got any news re @Sparky?

[Bibs]

He's in this afternoon so other than he's sober, there's nothing to share yet mate.

[ramjet]

Ahh, thanks @Bibs. I was a bit early then. Hope it all goes well for him.

[Sparky]

Sorted!  Very long procedure but Bob has finally gone away for testing and I feel suspiciously excellent.  Been having a laff with the staff since around 1530, but had no access to my belongings!

[yeller77]

Hope they got all your bibs and bobs in there sorted correctly with you ending up appropriately with a semicolon and not having a period!

Best of luck for a speedy recovery, mate!

[pete]

all downhill from here then.

[MPx]

Good to hear that Bob-bitt the dust.  Only worry now is if Tracy changes her name to Lorena...

[Bazza 907]

Bob-a jobbie-done 

[pete]

Very quiet on here

[Bibs]

He's hoping to be heading home later this week

[Painterdave]

Oh good I'm looking forward to a positive update🤞

[Bibs]

It was a big op, I'd imagine he's pooped. 

[MPx]

Hopefully not on the sheets - but at least it would prove that bits still working.

[Bazza 907]

Due out on the second or turd of June?

[Bibs]

Sparkles is home and looks like he's brand new!! 🍻👍

[Chillidoggy]

Looks exactly as he always does - shagged out.

[Sparky]

Here's a direct copy of my FB update, so some of you will already have seen it.  There's a reason my other nickname is Shit Magnet.

 

Having recovered somewhat - physically and mentally - after finally returning home 2 days ago, I now have the strength to write this somewhat surreal account of events. I will be completely open and honest here; I hope some don't find it too unsavoury!

 

Bob was dispatched with great flair on 21 May (Day 0 in hospital terms), under general anaesthetic and epidural. Whether he left any friends behind will be determined later this month. That was the easy bit. It was hoped that I might be discharged by Day 3, or 5 at worst. Unfortunately my pesky, newly-identified birth defect - a redundant looping colon - had other ideas. This led to a rather long procedure.

 

Day 1 (following procedure) was spent entirely drugged up and feeling pretty euphoric! Allowed a light soft diet.

 

Day 2: as the anaesthetics wore off, it became apparent that the epidural had failed and wasn't working at all on the left side of my body. I spent overnight in severe pain before a morphine pump was finally fitted, but TBH it achieved very little. Soft diet again.

 

Day 3: requested a move from morphine to something else and was prescribed Tramadol and Paracetamol, both via IV. Still in great pain, but some improvement.

When the digestive system is operated on, it effectively shuts down and can be expected to kick-start itself within 3-5 days. I was very excited to experience something approximating a bowel movement on this day. Unfortunately the major wound site (from which the excised colon section was removed) rapidly became infected. This necessitated partial opening of the top layers (which had been glued) with a scalpel to allow release of pus, swab for analysis, and, essentially, a huge squeeze and washout of the hole followed by a dressing. All of this without any anaesthetic. This was not nice, but it did relieve the pain around the wound. Antibiotic IVs introduced. Slightly more substantial diet

 

Days 4-7: possibly the lowest ebb of my life. Essentially my entire digestive system shut down. Enormous amounts of upper GI fluids started to backflow. I had a nasogastric (NG) tube fitted just in time to prevent catastrophic vomiting, and over this period ejected litres of matter through the tube. All nutrition stopped, even water, and I was on upwards of 12 IV bags a day, catheterised and with an enormous bloody hose up my rear end trying to straighten things out. Surgeons were talking with me regularly but at a loss how to resolve this. They believed the redundant looping colon - still longer than average after 50cm was removed - was coiling, twisting and blocking itself like a hose with a kink in it. The only long-term alternative discussed was complete removal and a stoma, but it was out of the question given my condition. I'd have happily had the lot whipped out there and then. Total exhaustion.

 

Day 8: miracle! Suddenly, very early morning, my system somehow unkinked and started working. Getting to the loo carrying multiple tubes, bags and an IV trolley with crap casters is a major undertaking, especially when you're knackered. But I was in a state of euphoria as things were starting to happen. Back on to liquids, jelly, ice cream, yoghurt and a great restorative drink called Ensure. Thereafter things changed for the better very quickly. All nasty tubes were removed in short order and IVs reduced, so I had some measure of mobility. Unfortunately, examination of my wound showed continued infection, so out came the scalpel again, this time necessitating cutting right down through the internal stitches for further infection release. Again, bloody painful due to no anaesthetic.

 

Day 9: system still doing what it should, tolerated a solid breakfast without vomiting, bloods showing improvement, all vitals finally stabilised. A very quick get-together with specialists and nursing staff, and it was agreed I could be discharged! I couldn't believe how quickly this had turned around. Utterly exhausted but ecstatic. I could barely walk from the main entrance to the car outside, but who cares?

 

Ongoing: still on plenty of pain relief, antibiotics and doing my best to ram a low-volume, high-calorie diet down my neck. Still anaemic, so that'll take months to rectify. Also I have a huge gaping hole travelling north around 120mm (4.5in) from what's left of my belly button, through which can be seen my abdominal muscle wall around 13mm below. This needs cleaning, packing and redressing every 2 days for the foreseeable future until it heals itself, and is at great risk of further infection. No strenuous activity whatsoever beyond lifting a half-full kettle! So that pretty much ties me to home for the summer.

 

Otherwise, everything went swimmingly.

[Painterdave]

You're not too lucky with medical things get well soon 🤞👍

[Kimbers]

Commented elsewhere but loads of love and healing vibes from Wendy and me to you mate. Get 100% fit soon!

[Sparky]

Oi luvs ya!

[Kevin Wheeler]

So sorry to hear that, @Sparky. Let's hope it is all upwards movement from now (and no, that is not a reference to vomiting or your intestine at all!)

[Al]

Wow!  What can I say other than best wishes and I love the way you are dealing with this!  Very much how I'd like to think I would although hopefully after reading this I hope I never find out!  Onwards with a good positive attitude will continue to help.

[Bazza 907]

Glad to hear that you're getting to the 'bottom' of it

[MPx]

Hmmm! so you're still not down to a semi-colon; have experienced a miracle and have been ordered to take on extended R&R.  Sounds like you're living the dream - if a little bored, which is handy for me.  Given that, ironically, you can't be handy - that will give you plenty of time for me to pick your brains with a car issue.  You'll have post...

[Sparky]

Maybe I can become a virtual mechanic?

3 hours ago, Al said:

Wow!  What can I say other than best wishes and I love the way you are dealing with this!  Very much how I'd like to think I would although hopefully after reading this I hope I never find out!  Onwards with a good positive attitude will continue to help.

I'm in awe of what the human body and mind can endure when it has no choice!